Another night

Mac + bedtime = emotional

Tonight it was once again... Flossie. I finally just told her, "honey, what if she died, or something got her..." (I know not the softest marshmallow in the bag, but I was just trying to be realistic) And she replied, "But Mom, there's still a chance".
So, once again I lay in bed with her till her eyes were dry and she was fast asleep, thinking who needs a season finale.
I can't wait to give her the pony for CHRISTmas...

85 a week B4 CHRISTmas makes you do crazy things

Ok, so it's hitting almost 85 degress here today. Unseasonably warm, and it's going to stay this way for several days. The kids got out of school yesterday and ALREADY my husband is wanting to give them their CHRISTmas presents early!!! WHAT??!! NO!!
"Well honey, if we give them to them now they will be able to play while it's still warm outside and they will get a whole extra week of playing while school is out!!"
It does make sense. But what about CHRISTmas morning? Are we just going to change the clocks and calendars around the house and convince the kids that CHRISTmas is already here???
I mean, who lets these kids out of school a whole week early? It would make more sense to let them go longer now and then start later in January so we can play with OUR toys longer!! Right?
So, decisions, decisions... What day is it?? Oh, look kids - it's CHRISTmas EVE!!!

Oh, I'm sorry this gift doesn't have my name on it...

This week has been a week of realizing our gifts & NOT realizing our gifts! :)
Someone told Stacy that most all church planters are "B" students. They can do just about anything, and do it good. "B" students are well rounded and can make it happen. They can have an idea or solution for just about anything.
BUT it's about us "B" students finding those "A" students to use their gift in their area. I've found this week that I don't want to know about how to design a website. I could care less about governmental paperwork. Forms, policies, & designs are wearing me out. I want a logo that when I look at it I say, "wow, I like that". Period.
Someone said to me last night, "well, why don't you just design it". They know me. They know I'm a perfectionist. But I'm a "B" student. I can lift the lid on an "A" student to use their gift, so that they are fulfilling their God given purpose.
I'm not going to lose sight of my "A" student ability...loving people.

"I had to settle in my heart that I was going to love the people more than I loved my ministry.”

I'm sorry this gift doesn't have my name on it, but I'll help you unwrap it.

Understanding God's favor

Seems like every chapter in our life has been a time that we look back and shake our head & wonder "how".
From early years of marriage when we lived on ramen noodles to now having 3 of the most wonderful, healthy children, I look back and say "how". Heck, I look at last week and say "how". But the only word I can use is God. He is so faithful. I don't understand His faithfulness. I don't understand why He picked me. I just know that I know that I know...I love Him more and more everyday. I don't deserve His favor, I don't understand it, and I don't think I can ever say "Thank you" enough.
It's no secret, everyone who knows me knows that mercy is not by best gift, but God is showing me something lately. I fail along the way. (I know it's shocking) I screw things up. I don't always make the right choice, but still He is faithful.
NOW, it's my turn to show the same mercy to someone else.
Thank you that you never leave me the same...

Somehow I just know it will be brighter...

I can't wait... we are putting up the tree tonight!! We usually put it up the day after Thanksgiving or the weekend before Thanksgiving, but since we moved we didn't have room to bring it all with us on the first trip down. So now our front porch is full of boxes and tubs of Christmas decorations. I guess we might look like the "Clampits" but I refuse to bring it in until "I'm ready".
Call it my childhood curse but I guess I just believe that the house has to be clean & perfect before we trash it with all the boxes and tinsel, stray needles and glitter.
I have to work by my system.
Of course, the clothes have to be washed. Who can put up a tree without all the clothes being cleaned? And the dishes...well, we just might need to use the kitchen sink, for um, um, something or another...And we must sweep and mop to insure every light works properly. And whoever heard of not vacuuming before you drag it all in off the dirty front porch?
But someway, somehow I just KNOW that it will all be brighter in my nice clean house :)

Home FROM the Holidaze

SO glad to be back in the swing of things at home, and yes it feels like it was all a daze. My first kidney stone. And please Lord let it be the last! I now have a new understanding of people who have been stoned. It feels like giving labor to a small horse kicking you in the back constantly.
Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!!

Gettin' YOUR puppy!!

I hate when bad things happen. I have always been a "what if, or if only" kinda person. And I hate that about myself. Just let it go, easier said than done. But I am learning and I hope that I will always be open to learning and have a teachable heart.
As a parent you strive to make things better for your children. You love them and want them to be happy. But what happens when things go all wrong? How do you handle the disappointment?
Mine started about 4 months ago. We had moved to a new city to start a brand new chapter in our lives. Things were going great until...The dog came up missing. It was a freak accident that she was left outside, only for seconds, but she was gone. We don't know if someone picked her up or if something picked her up. :( But nonetheless, was a devastating blow to the family. One that Mac would not soon recover from. We did the usual reward posters all over town, vets offices, pet stores, etc. Ran ads in the paper for weeks. Nothing.
Animal lovers will know what I'm talking about when I say you feel like you have lost a member of your family. This was a dog that we had since birth. It was Tess' puppy that we had kept. The boys recovered much better than Mac & I. But over time the wound started to heal. We would talk about Flossie & remember things about her and I would always try to end on an upbeat note & tell something funny about her or just reassure the kids that she was probably "living the life" now.
But I've learned that this experience has been like a snowball effect on Mac. She can't get over it. She lays in bed and cries at night praying for God to bring her back home. She started sleeping with her stuffed yorkie dog. But not just sleeping with, she holds her in a death grip in her arms while falling asleep. Tuesday night after already tucking everyone into bed and doing a couple of chores, I went back into her room to give her one last kiss. She did not know that I would be coming back to check on her, but what I found broke my heart. She was laying their crying her little self to sleep. When I asked what was wrong, her response was, "I pray for Flossie to come home everynight, can you pray with me?" Talk about pulling at your heart strings! Then it happened again last night. So last night I added a bed buddy with me. Scooped her up and took her to bed with me. I just wanted her to be close to me and to let me hold her & know that everything was going to be alright.
Then hubby comes into the bedroom with that look of "we have GOT to get a bigger bed if you keep doing this". :) So, he kneels down beside my side of the bed and asks what was wrong. I then began sharing with him what I had been thinking for several weeks. (Yes, I'm a thinker.)
In her little mind she is associating everything here with something bad or negative. It started with the dog. Then the school. Then her stomach problems. And not having any girlfriends. (all the families in the church so far have only boys, so she's the only girl at home, at church, etc.) That's why she lives for the next visit back home. She thinks about the good things there. The horses, Olivia, grandparents, etc.
So after explaing all this to him, he says, "Your right...what do we do?"
Well for starters, she's getting a PUPPY for Christmas!! Haha, he laughs. "No seriously", he says.
Then this morning the Lord reminded me of how much he loves me and wants me to be happy. As much as I want for Mac to be happy and I will do everything in my power to see to it that she is... I will NEVER understand His love for me, His child. It's just that big. Bad things happen sometimes, but the Lord is always in control. He knows what we need before we do. He sees our hurts, and he wants to get us a "puppy" too. But is that really what we need? I look back at every hard time in my life & see now that all of them, every single one was a growing time. What if I had just got my "puppy" and then went on my merry way? Would I be the person that I am today? I have to realize that He knows me better than me & will do whats best for me. I am not in control.
Seasons, we all go through them. It hurts the Father to see you struggle, but there is a reason. We just have to keep pressing on and not give up and believe that no matter what, I'm gonna come out of this a better person... WITH A PUPPY!!!

My daughter makes me nervous

So, I've decided to blog...why people want to read about other peoples lives?? But why not read about mine :)..
Today was my daughter's Thanksgiving lunch held inside her classroom. All the parents were invited to attend and bring food. After getting their food & sitting at their tables to eat it got rather quite in the classroom.
Anyone who knows Mac understands that she has this "gift". A gift to speak whatever is on her mind. A gift that I often worried about when she was small.
There was the time that she was being held by a sweet, sweet lady at Christmas dinner. The lady was talking to her and inquiring about what she liked to do, etc. and then it came. Mac announced to everyone that,"...your breath is stank". I could have crawled under a rock. I'm certain that my face turned 47 shades of red and well, I was speechless. On the way home, I was trying to explain to Mac that you don't always say everything that you think, EVEN if it's true. But, then I was interrupted by my "freedom finding" husband who replied, "I think it's a good thing that she speaks her mind, blah, blah, blah. "
Then there was the time she announced to everyone at my birthday party that, "we ain't got no toilet paper at my house!".
And let's not forget about the time that she told the story to a table full of guests that included the punchline, "I have an affliction in my loins"...
So, I've found myself trying to steer a very vocal female in the ways of, "just whisper in my ear before you say it", kinda way.
Then today, she leans over and whispers in my ear, "Mom, my butt is growling", and while I'm laughing and trying to tell my husband what she has said, I hear her yelling out across the room, "Taylor, where is yo' daddy at today? and Amanda you said YOUR mother was a...."
I left her there with her freedom finding Daddy!!!

And then tonight while having our creative team meeting, I go to the kitchen to get me a drink & she stands on her chair and announces that, "my momma gots the toots!".